


Tunnel Vision

by UselessLilium (o0whitelily0o)



Series: Kazumi Onimaru Appreciation Project [1]
Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: Abusive Parents, Gen, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 22:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11587743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0whitelily0o/pseuds/UselessLilium
Summary: Kazumi isn't blind - he can see how badly his little brother is struggling. What he still can't see is how narrow his options to help really are.





	Tunnel Vision

“Father, I have something to speak with you about.”

Sitting at the low table, he looks up from a small pile of papers, eyes widening in surprise only a fraction before narrowing again. You had knocked first, of course, but couldn’t afford to wait for an answer. You had some momentum, now, and you couldn’t waste a second of it.

“Kazumi - I didn’t call for you.” It’s almost a question, and you let your straight posture and unwavering stare be the answer. If you can show how serious you are, he has to listen. You think. It’s a long few seconds before he sighs and gestures to the other side of the table. “Very well. What is it?”

 _Good_ , you think, despite your heart pounding even louder than before. You can’t mess this up. Without so much as an uneven breath, you kneel across from him, in the neat, precise way you were trained for. Hands folded carefully in your lap, you make yourself look him in the eye. “I’d like to talk to you about Kazuma, Father.”

There’s a tightening in his shoulders at the name, but that’s as much as you get out of him. He takes the time to stack his papers and shift them to the side of the low table before asking, “What about him?”

“I think you’re being too hard on him. Much too hard.” As they comes out, the words you’d practiced in your head over and over just sound like mistakes. They aren’t sure enough to compete with your father’s even stare. No, it’s okay, you’re just nervous. You just have to push through, say everything you came here to. “He’s doing everything he can; and he’s learning so much, very quickly. I’m sure he’ll accomplish all kinds of things, but pressuring him so much-”

“Effort alone is worthless,” he says, a wall for all your carefully planned words to crash into, “Do you think the Onimaru family has reached its position simply by _trying_? Results are what matter, and if he can’t keep up with you, then he’s not contributing a thing.”

You swallow back a flicker of anger. It won’t help, you remind yourself, and try again to be calm. Reasonable. “He’s younger than me, though. It’s not fair to ask him to do everything I can now. Those kinds of expectations are just hurting him.”

“Let me be clear. I already have an heir, Kazumi. I don’t need a second.” You blink, the apparent non sequitur throwing you off. His gaze remains even, but you think there’s impatience there. And something else. Something lower, that makes any impulse to react dry up. “If he can’t at least spur you on, then I have no need for him at all.”

“...’Spur me on’?”

Your father’s position hasn’t changed at all, but he somehow seems larger now, looming over the table. “Surely I don’t need to explain the kind of disgrace you’d put me through by losing to an interloper. ”

...That can’t be right. He can’t be serious. But he’s your father, and as long as you’ve known him, he’s never been anything but. But what he’s saying... it’s _ridiculous_. That even if Kazuma did beat you in something, you’d just be expected to do better. That there’s no way Kazuma’s going to be acknowledged for anything he does. You think of your brother, always so quiet when it isn’t just the two of you, and getting quieter and more anxious when it is every day. Your hands curl into fists, still hidden under the table.

“It’s... like you said. You already have an heir.” You’re trying to keep your voice level. You have to, he won’t listen if you don’t, but the tremor is already there and just getting worse, “And I’m already doing everything you ask. Whatever you want from me, I’ll find a way to do it.” Always. You’ve always been like this, and you’ll always be like this. Even when you can’t breathe under the weight, you’ll do what he wants, what they all want. “So-” You stand, needing to move so the anger doesn’t just spill out into your voice, and failing anyway, “Just leave Maa-kun out of all that, and-!”

He’s faster than you. You barely have time to register that he’s standing too before the slap hits and your head rocks with the force of it. When he speaks, his voice is still low. He still has control. “How _dare_ you raise your voice to me,” and there’s the wall, the endless, endless wall. Nothing you’ve said has even chipped at it. He’s already decided what he’ll take from this conversation. Maybe he had from the start. “Perhaps that boy’s been a worse influence than I expected. If you’re going to act out like this over him, I won’t hesitate to separate you.”

Your breath catches, fear striking you harder than being hit did. You swallow whatever indignations are left, and slowly, you kneel back down, bowing your head until it’s almost touching the table. “I’m very sorry, Father. I won’t speak to you like that again.”

After a few seconds, you hear him sigh. “Alright, that’s enough. Get up.” You do, your movements feeling mechanical and far away. He pats your shoulder, a little too rough, and a thought occurs that turns your insides to ice. Has he ever hit Kazuma...? No, you’d have noticed, you’re sure of that, but- “You’re getting older, I suppose it’s normal to feel a bit rebellious. You’ll learn to curb it.”

You nod, because there’s nothing else you can do, and when he dismisses you, you simply head right for your room. You touch your cheek lightly on the way. It hurts, a bit, but it doesn’t feel real. And it’s not important anyway. It’ll fade before you know it.

As soon as you’re inside, you shut the door behind you. There’s no lock, but no one will come in anyway. Even Kazuma won’t - he’ll check for you over at the veranda, and when you’re not there, that will be that for today. Your cheek is throbbing a bit now, and you touch it again, but this time it stirs a confusing kind of guilt. What would he say if he noticed...? You don’t want him to. You don’t want him to know it’s even a possibility. Ever.

...At least now that you’re here, you can feel some kind of relief. Your shoulders slump a little, and you let out a breath, closing your eyes and easing yourself back against the door. No one’s going to come in unless you ask. It’s okay.

Quietly, you open your eyes again and walk over to your desk, pulling your deck out of a drawer. One by one, you lay your cards out in front of you. No matter how overwhelmed you are, it’s calming to see them all. To see their faces, remember all their names, and re-read their skills. You sift through them all, going over your own strategies again. It’s important to keep polishing them, you think with the start of a smile, when Maa-kun’s gotten so good at reading your moves.

And your hands pause, then, as your brain fumbles around the obvious.

What are you going to do now?

It’s not that you don’t believe in Kazuma. He can beat you someday, you know he can. If it was just that, you’d be happy to see him do it. Even if the position of heir was on the line, if it’d make him happy, you’d give it up in a heartbeat.

But it won’t. Even if he overcomes every obstacle that’s been put in his path, he’ll still be ‘the interloper’. Someone tolerated, because the alternative is even worse. And the pressure on him won’t decrease, not ever, and- and he cries so easily. You already know how not to cry. You’ve learned. He’ll have to learn from scratch, if he’s going to stay here

Your hands are shaking badly now. You can’t even hold your cards straight. Should you tell him, what your father’s thinking? But even imagining the words coming out of your mouth, that he’s trapped and there’s nothing he can do, seeing his face crumble and fall apart... you can’t take it. And what would the point be? It’d just make him give up faster, and who knows what would happen to him then.

You skip the usual order, your hand going almost automatically to your favorite card. Your avatar, Stealth Dragon Shiranui. You’re still shaking, but you look at him as closely as possible - at his claws and horns and the way everything about him screams power - and force yourself to hold him steady.

 _He’s_ different from you. You’ve always thought that, really. It’s why you like him - no, why you admire him so much. Shiranui wouldn’t sit around in his room trying to distract himself from a problem. He’s _strong_. He wouldn’t let anything stop him from protecting his clan.

You know you can’t be like that. Probably there’s something wrong with you, that you can’t bring yourself to care about the family you’re supposed to lead.

But you do care about Kazuma. And you think... you think, at least, you can be enough like your avatar that you’d do anything to protect him. You _have_ to. You think of his mother turning a blind eye, and the servants whispering, and the rest of the family snickering and not caring whether he can hear or not.

No one else is going to. It has to be you.

You run a finger along the edge of Shiranui’s card, looking at his bright blue eyes. Maybe there is a solution, one you just didn’t want to acknowledge. But it doesn’t matter what you want. What matters is what's best for Kazuma. And if there's really no way for him to be happy or safe in this house... then him leaving is the only other option.


End file.
